In or out? – children and communion

by Kaila Pettigrove, Somervell Presbyterian Church, Auckland

My first understanding of communion was that it was something that I was not allowed to do.  It was a mysterious connection with God that I was not (yet) worthy of having.  Because my father had no church connection, I attended a Catholic church with my stepmother.  Her children had been through the classes, so they followed the line of people up to the priest to receive the “Host”.  My siblings and I remained obediently in our seats and waited patiently for that part of the service to be over.  I don’t remember feeling bad, it’s just how it was.  Communion was for the insiders and I was still a church outsider. 

Thanks to God’s grace, my children have grown up in the church. Two of my three children each went through a phase as a toddler where they would approach the podium after service and “preach” from the (thankfully unplugged) microphone.  My third child attended the church kindy and playgroup, so he was in the church building six days out of seven at one stage in his life. My children are definitely “insiders” at our church. 

But is communion about creating an inner circle of privileged few?  What is communion really about?  My purpose is not to explain the theological complexities of communion, but rather help us get our heads around a child’s understanding of communion.  One of the most common questions is:  At what point should children be allowed to participate in the sacrament of communion? 

Here’s my quick answer:  When they (and the parents) are ready.  What’s ready?  Well, were the disciples ready?  Did they have a complete and full understanding of what was happening at the Last Supper?  One need not be a scholar to assume they were in the dark about a lot of things.  Did they know they loved Jesus and wanted to follow Him?  Yes.  Did they understand the complete sacredness of the act?  Probably not.  Did it stop Jesus from including them?  No.

Don’t get me wrong.  I take communion very seriously.  I want my children to understand as much as they are able.   We serve an amazing God that wants to be part of us in such an intimate way.  I delight in the Mystery of the ordinary elements (bread and juice/wine) becoming a sacred bond with our Creator and Saviour.  We are called to do all we can to prepare ourselves for communion, and yet we will always fall short.  That is the beauty of the gospel.  God meets us where we are.  We rise to meet him, but He always covers the extra distance.  This is Grace.

Isn’t that the way with children?  Does God have a role in your child’s everyday life?  Does he/she feel comfortable praying not just memorized prayers, but also talking to God?  Does your child know and understand (to the best of his/her age and ability) that Jesus died for us so that we might be a part of God’s family now and forever?  If the answer is yes, I’d say they have the same tools the disciples had on that first communion. 

If we as parents want our children to participate in communion, we have a responsibility to model and explain to them what privilege and joy come with this sacrament.  Do we prepare ourselves for communion?  Do we strive to involve God in our everyday lives?  I don’t think there is a measuring stick that will tell us if we’re “tall enough” to queue up for this ride, but I do think we need to do our best to keep our lamps lit while we’re waiting.  (See Matthew 25 and Romans 12:2. )

How do we introduce communion to our children in a way that helps them appreciate the sanctity without freaking them out or scaring them?  

First of all, it should be a conversation that is held before the communion service. Have a family discussion about it to be sure your child understands how this tradition started and what it means.  It would be helpful to read together the passage about the first communion found in Matthew 26 or Mark 14.  Tell them what will happen during the service if they haven’t been present for communion before.  Even if they have, chances are they won’t always understand what happens when and why.  Take your time and answer any questions they have.  If you don’t know how to answer them, talk to your minister, pastor, or a respected friend.  Or better yet, look it up together in the Bible. 

During communion, whether your child has already taken communion or not, don’t be afraid to talk quietly with your child about what is happening each step of the way.

·        As you are waiting for the bread to come around, encourage your child to reflect on things that might be standing between them and God.  (God, please forgive me for knocking over little brother’s block structure when I was angry.)  This doesn’t need to be dwelt on.  It’s something between your child and God.  It doesn’t need your stamp of approval.

·        When the bread is passed to you, offer it to your child and say, “ Name, this is the body of Christ, given for you.”  Child answers with , “Amen.”  Help your child do the same for the person next to him/her. 

·        Hold the bread in your hands together and pray this simple prayer (or one like it), “Thank you, Jesus for dying for me.  It must’ve been hard for you.  Help me to love you and serve you and your people. Amen.”  Then, according to your church custom, take the bread at the proper time.

·        Do the same when the cup is passed, only using the phrase “blood of Christ” instead of body.  For the prayer, “Thank you God, that even though you died, you have come to life again and you live in me.  May your Spirit guide me every day.”

·        Drink the juice/wine according to your church custom. 

·        Because Communion is done as a group activity, there is often a good deal of waiting.  What a wonderful opportunity to reflect on and feel God’s presence.  While waiting, encourage your child to talk and/or listen to God.  Maintain a connection.  The actual words are not as important as the attitude of the heart.  Just fellowship with God. 

If our children understand anything about communion, it should be that it’s about God choosing us as His precious children and wanting us to be a part of Him.  Through the Mystery of the sacrament, the bread and the cup help us to experience God with us.  Children are often better at accepting mystery than we are.  We are imperfect, but we grow more like God the more time we spend with Him.  Communion is one of the ways we do that, through God’s grace.

 

Kaila with her family at Hobbiton.  Kaila is the children and families minister at Somervell Presbyterian.

 

 

Let’s start at the very beginning

St Ninian’s share Passover-Communion with their children

By Rev Monika Redman

We recently had a baptism – not a very common event nowadays. It reminded us that we make commitments to raise our children in a loving, nurturing environment – a no-brainer, really. But we also make a commitment to raise them in the knowledge and love of God.  This reminder tied in well with a request from our Kidz Church leaders to not just incorporate the children into communion, but to actually teach them what the mysterious set of rituals is all about – so that’s what we’re beginning to do. And we thought we’d start at the very beginning as, according to the sainted Sister Maria, ‘it’s a very good place to start’!

It also picked up on what the children had been doing in Kidz Church the week before.  Using the Storybook Bible, they had got as far as the plagues of Egypt, and the scene was set for us to have our very own Passover Communion – St Ninian’s style. I should also mention that we’re developing services around the idea of ‘Family of God’ worship – trying to emphasise all our generations as being part of the family of God rather than any sense of ‘exclusively for families’ services. Like a big family gathering, these can be a bit messy, a bit noisy – but it’s about worship together rather than ‘performance’ worship, so everyone can get involved.

So what happened? Well, after considerable reassurance of those who had already offered to be involved – as well as more general reassurance to those who might want to volunteer as we went along – that this was the kind of communion service where nothing could go wrong because there was no wrong way of doing something we were making up, we got started with a candle coming forward to light the Christ candle on the table during the first hymn. This was a bit of a compromise, as we’d hoped to do something a bit like the Olympic torch, lighting one light from another all the way forwards to symbolise how the light of our memory of God’s grace had come to us from the earliest times – oh well!

A volunteer was called for, and he read the Prayer of Light, adapted from an order for Jewish Passover, and then we pieced together the story of the Escape from Egypt. We used the recent memories of the kids, as well as the older memories with which we are blessed. The children then took one of the candles (we called it the Light of Knowledge as opposed to the Christ Light, which was left on the table) and headed off for a bit of intense coaching on the different elements needed for our Passover Communion (set up and labelled in the children’s ministry room). We gave them about 10 minutes out of the sanctuary, in a room where we had laid out parsley, salt water, bitter herbs, traditional Presbyterian communion trays of wine and salvers of hors d’oeuvres (broken pieces of matzos topped with a piece of roast lamb), each with an explanatory label. Meanwhile, we continued with the prayers and the offering.

As we sang ‘Holy, Holy, Holy, my heart, my heart adores you!’, the children re-joined us, bringing with them not just the elements, but also the understanding of their symbolic purpose – which they explained to us. The rostered reader made the link for us between the events of Passover and Christ’s institution of the Last Supper and then another member volunteered to lead us in the Kiddush, or the first blessing. Everyone received a wee glass of wine and we ‘toasted’ God’s goodness to us.

After a Prayerful Reflection (ie not a sermon, but not a children’s talk either), the kids distributed the bread and lamb, and then we drank a second glass of wine in thanksgiving. So yes, we did use all our communion trays! We finished with I will sing the wondrous story – because it is! And then the Aaronic blessing because it’s another link with our earliest faith. We have so much to learn from the Jewish Scriptures of how corporate memory keeps and nurtures faith, and this was our attempt to position ourselves on the Way of our faith, to stand in our inheritance and to share that consciously with one another.

The Matai Phenomenon

The kids at “B@TCH” are developing a B@tCH vocabulary. It has been growing for a number of years.

I was recently talking to the kids about the word for that week which was compassion. We decided that passion was ‘to care a lot’ and that com came from the Latin ‘with’. We agreed that to have compassion for someone was more than caring a lot but that it required us to be with them, i.e. to stand with and care etc. 

Earlier I had “planted” Sarah Paterson on the stage . Sarah was sitting quietly all alone with a sad face (she did it well). I pretended to suddenly notice her and asked the children how they thought she was feeling. They responded appropriately. I then reminded them if we were to help cheer her up and be compassionate toward her then we needed to ????? Yes that’s right, be ‘with’ her. So I asked for folks to come with me on to the stage to stand with Sarah. No one came. So I went alone. Then out the corner of my eye I spotted wee Matai. He ran towards Sarah (whom he didn’t know) and threw his arms around her. She couldn’t help but smile. He climbed up on her knee. I couldn’t have set it up or staged it better. There was nothing I could say. He naturally displayed compassion for a sad Sarah. 

So what? Later that day while I was still on cloud 9, excited about what I was now calling the Matai phenomenon, a dear friend brought me back to earth with a thud. She said “in an ideal world we would do just as Matai modelled. But our un-childlike, ‘developed’ and somewhat sceptical selves, knowing we should rush to ‘stand beside’, get reminded of the cost.” 

Thoughts emerge like:

• If I stand beside them, will it be a life sentence?

• I don’t really know this person, what would they think?

• Who am I to think I could make a difference, someone else will sort it?

• They are not my type. 

• I’m too busy. 

We can learn so much from kids. That’s why they should be in the church service with us as much as possible. Jesus knew that and He preached it. 

This left me wondering though, are there any “Matai adults” in our parish - folks not hung up on the bullet points above? As I pondered with my friend we began to think of many. They are a real blessing to us all. So whether or not you are one of them or indeed you are a bit like me and hung up on the list above, may we all seek to embrace the Matai phenomenon and learn to care a lot by standing ‘with’ those whom God places in our paths. 

Barry Kelk
B@TCH stands for Breakfast at the Coronation Hall. B@TCH was started as a “Fresh Expression” of church 8 years ago by Barry Kelk of Highgate Presbyterian. B@TCH is an intergenerational, contemporary, weekly worship service.






 

A time to dream

I’m having lots of conversations about new ways to “be the church” in secular New Zealand today.  More and more churches are acknowledging that what and how we do Sunday worship does not work for many Kiwis.  And it’s encouraging that many are willing to try new things and find fresh ways to share Christ’s love and good news with their community. 

Waimana Presbyterian invited me to share the concept of Messy Church with their leaders earlier this year and within 6 weeks of our meeting had launched the world’s first Messy Church on a marae.  I sent their story to Lucy Church of Messy Church UK for posting on their facebook page.  She was intrigued by Waimana’s adaptation of the name:   Te hahi a whakawhanaungatanga hakinakina which means 'the church of coming together as a family to do activities'.“I’m not sure the name will catch on internationally” said Lucy, “but I love it!” 

Mike Uttley of Welcome Bay heard about Messy Church and phoned to find out more and borrow the DVD’s and books from the Kids Friendly library.  Within a month he had launched Messy Church in his community and attracted over a 100 people.  “It works for our community” he said, “as they love anything that involves food and a bit of all age action!”

This week I met with Mo Morgan and Kath Barrett who are trying new things in Whanganui with the support and encouragement of St James Presbyterian.  “The church has given us freedom to try new things” said Mo.  These enthusiastic and gifted women are offering a range of meaningful events to connect with children and their families.   Sticky Fingers is an arts and crafts event for children and their parents that promotes recycling and caring for creation.  Once a month they run “Q” an opportunity for adults to hear an inspiring speaker and ask questions over coffee and dessert.  And on the second Sunday of the month they have begun to run an all age family worship with the people of St James and Rev Gene Lawrence to build Christian community.

Trying new things take courage, but as Mo said: “We felt called to start something for people like us, young parents who are open to Christianity but struggling to find something that fits.  We don’t know where it will lead to, but we are open and listening to our community so we can mould something new together.”

“Without vision, the people perish” said Solomon.  “Prophetic imagination must come before implementation” says Walter Bruggeman.  If you’d like to try new things with the children and families of your community, we’d love to join you in dreaming new ways of being church and resourcing you on your journey.

Jesus with skin on by Cheryl Harray

“It’s Jesus!’ exclaimed the wide eyed young girl as she opened the door to her minister. It was in fact Rose Luxford (Oamaru) visiting to deliver the call to worship for one of the children in the family to read the following Sunday. 

 Rose recounted this story over dinner at a recent Presbytery resource meeting and the conversation around the table continued animatedly. There were many other delightful and amusing stories that people had experienced - when children saw the minister (male or female) as God or Jesus. 

Later the conversation came back to mind and I pondered a bit more about WHY children might say this. What do they see and hear and experience that equates that person at the front with Jesus/God? The words they speak and pray? The actions and warm welcome they extend? (Kids Friendly certainly hopes so!) The clothes they wear? 

Is it just something to be amused or embarrassed about and quickly correct. Or do we CELEBRATE that a child in their simple faith sees their leader as Jesus? And as Christians – with Christ IN us- is there a challenge ‘from the mouths of babes’ for ALL of us to become more like Jesus – ‘Jesus with skin on’ to our friends, family, neighbours and of course the children we are in contact with.

What do you think?

Cheryl Harray is the Kids Friendly Advisor to the Synod of Otago & Southland region.

Seeing God by Nikki Watkin

On Ascension day a couple of weeks ago, our 4 year old son Reuben was creating art – a fairly common event in our household. He proudly showed it to me and I asked him about it.

There were a whole lot of houses in a cross shape in the centre –“that is the city” he said. (I still need to ponder that image.) Above the city was a big yellow smiley face –“that is God,” he told me. On both sides of the city were some people –“Who are they?” I asked. “Those people are frightened” he told me. So of course I asked why they were frightened, and he explained “because they can’t see God”. For him, that was reason enough to be scared. And it got me thinking.

Thinking about the angels who challenged the disciples who had been left standing there on the Mount of Olives after Jesus had ascended to the right hand of God. Check out the first chapter in Acts. The angels ask “Why do you stand here looking into the sky?”

Maybe the disciples were still standing there so they would not be frightened. They could no longer see Jesus. Which begs the question, when do we see Jesus? When do we see God? And another thought: When do children see Jesus? Do they see Jesus in our welcome? In our loving? In our blessing?

What a gift we give to those around us – whatever their age - when they encounter Jesus in us. If Reuben has got it right and in seeing God, fear is taken away, then it’s definitely worth thinking about.



Rev Nikki Watkin is part of our Kids Friendly team in Auckland. She is also a minister with her husband Richard at Kohimarama Presbyterian.

Worship: A way of life by Lucy Davey

We are called to a life of worship.  We don’t need to worship God in a particular place or at a particular time. Worship is something that can happen every day in lots of ways, if we let it.

I was recently moved by a story of Gaby and Isaac, four year olds whose worship in a sick-room brought comfort and peace.

Ingrid de Villiers, a teacher at St Heliers Presbyterian’s preschool Small Miracles shared this story:

“Gaby and Isaac attended Small Miracles since they were very young. Music plays a big part in our preschool and much of our Christian teaching is shared through music. Once a year we have a special Small Miracles celebration church service and this is often the only time many families attend church. This has been the case with Gaby and Isaac’s family. However, recently their granddad passed away and their dad told us this beautiful story about when their granddad was ill.

The children were taken to Wellington to visit their granddad in hospital where he was drifting in and out of consciousness. They sat on either side of the bed each holding their granddad’s hands. Dad noticed them whispering to each other and then they started to sing some of the songs that they had learnt at Small Miracles. They sang “Jesus is the Light” and “Walk in the Light” (really loudly according to their father).

Later, when their granddad was having a lucid moment he told their dad how much their singing had meant to him and how special and uplifting it was. Apparently Granddad was a religious man and I think it meant so much to him.

Gaby and Isaac have both left us to go to school but we sense that the Christian values and experience they have received at Small Miracles will be with them forever. Their parents have acknowledged this too.”

As we start thinking of our whole lives as worship to God, it transforms the way we view life and the things we do.  Whatever our age, wherever we are, whatever we do, we can bring glory to God.

At four, Gaby and Isaac seemed to intuitively understand this. Let’s keep learning from the children in our midst.

He called a little child, whom he placed among them. And he said: "Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.   Matthew 18:2-3

Lucy Davey

(Lucy was a valued member of our Kids Friendly team from 2011 to 2012 until she moved South!  But she is still a wonderful advocate and encourager to Kids Friendly and a real attribute to her church Upper Clutha Presbyterian in Wanaka.  Lucy is also an accomplished children's author http://www.lucydavey.com/).