Feeling the fear by Silvia Purdie

 

I received a blog contribution from Rev Silvia Purdie this week (Milsom Combined Church) reflecting on fear (we all have them….) and finding helpful ways to cope with and respond to it. It resonated with my observations while working with the Protestant churches in Baden, Germany this month. Fear of losing what they love often prevents their leaders and congregations from embracing new ways of being church. Fear can be a negative force that debilitates change, but when named, it can be the first step to change. Dissatisfaction with the status quo is crucial for bringing about change in organisations, so when a church acknowledges that they are not ministering effectively with children, they are ready to start the Kids Friendly review and dream new ways of being .

Feeling the fear by Silvia Purdie

God has a way of stirring the pot. I’m getting on with work and dishes and driving and sometimes emotions rise up out of nowhere. I guess that’s God’s way of making sure stuff doesn’t stick to the bottom and burn. Stuff like fears. That’s this week’s challenge, anyway. Fear.

I don’t have an anxious disposition. I tend to be positive, optimistic. But the more we invest ourselves in anything, the more we open ourselves up to fear. If we are willing to desire anything, we risk losing it. 

So – I like to have a tidy house but I really don’t care that much. There’s no deep fear in me of drowning in mess, and no high calling to have a spotless house. But when it comes to my kids, I care way more. I have high hopes for them. I especially hope for them to have a growing Christian faith. And I fear for them. I especially fear that they will reject Christ and his gospel. Hope alone will not propel me to do anything sacrificial on my part; it’s too easy to simply hope and pray. I need my fears to propel me to stick my neck out, even if this involves being the youth leader for a while, or insisting that they go to a church event, or paying good money for them to attend a Christian camp. 

But fear can only push us so far; if the situation gets worse and the fear gets stronger, it begins to turn in on me and reduce the creative energy I have available for problem solving. Fear sucks the life out of our hopes, drains energy, makes us brittle, like hope’s vampire twin. Over time it hardens into anxiety, rattles us with worry. Fear says, “Why bother? There’s no point. It will all end badly.”

Faith works in the opposite direction. It breathes life into our hopes, pouring in energy, making us supple, flexible in dealing with frustrations and setbacks. Faith says, “Why not? Wouldn’t it be great if …”

Thing is, us Christians are great at knowing how we OUGHT to feel, but not quite as good at dealing with how we do actually feel. Sure, faith is good and fears are bad. So chin up, Keep Calm and Carry On! 

Thing is, fears don’t just vanish with a twitch of the nose. I’ve found that the only way to take the power out of our fears is to name them, drag them out and have a good look at them. We need to practice noticing how fear and anxiety sticks in our bodies and souls, how they affect our emotions and actions. 

OK then … what are you afraid of?  Where do you feel that fear in your body?
What do you tend to do about it?

For me as a Parish minister, I am afraid that children and families won’t come to our church, and that I will fail in my best efforts to be a Kids Friendly minister. We do all the right things but numbers are still small and our outreach programmes are fragile. 

But I am not going to help motivate our church people or welcome families if I’m anxious or looking for someone to blame. I need God to stir this fear up, let me see what it’s made of. I need the energy in the fear to push me to work hard, but not too hard. And even more important than the outward work of publicity or planning is the inner work on my own heart, to make peace with my own need to be successful, to be liked and affirmed by others (I really want Jill to be proud of me!). 

We need our fears. They give us the courage to imagine the worst outcomes and to ask the hardest questions. But once they start constricting our breathing, tightening our shoulders and making us work late into the night, they’re not helping. 

Be honest with yourself. If something keeps bothering you, write it down or make a time with a good listener to talk it through. 

The task then is to stop feeding our fears. Let them wither away. And the best way to do that is prayer. Praying our fears brings us inevitably into confession; I just can’t do this, Lord. I can’t, not alone. I need you. 

God’s answer to our fears is always grace. Tender mercy and unfailing love until we let go out burdens and rest in grace. “Don’t be afraid” he says, over and over. “I just love you, silly sausage – you don’t earn it!” Read Psalm 130 a few times.

Those of us who care about children’s ministry are vulnerable to fear. When we love kids we fear for them. When we love Christ and his church we can fear for the future when our programmes don’t seem to be highly ‘successful’. So we have safety policies and invest our best into our work. But let’s do that in freedom and faith, confident in the calling and blessing of Jesus no matter what. Let the Spirit stir up the fears that lurk within, call them out and transform them in grace.

Silvia Purdie is the minister of Milsom Combined Church in Palmerston North.  She is a wonderful Kids Friendly champion and advocate.  Silvia is married to Rev Chris Purdie and has three sons.

Weekly Feast or Daily Bread? by Cheryl Harray

Last week I coordinated a meeting between Karen Steward (Faith@Home NZ Director) and children’s leaders from 3 large churches (one Presbyterian) in Dunedin that could all be described as ‘successful’ in terms of their growth in  children’s ministry.  It was a fascinating and animated conversation as we agreed that even the BEST children’s programme with all the bells and whistles was NOT the key to developing a life-long faith in children.

We shared stories and tossed around our combined experience and research that shows that life-long faith grows best in an environment where it can be modelled and practiced regularly.

 “The act of becoming a Christian is the actual practicing of being Christian over and over again,” says Ivy Beckwith.

 

This can happen to some extent at church in a weekly ‘feast’, but is far more effective when practised in homes, every day of the week (daily bread)

We acknowledged that the Christian education model of ‘send your children to our fantastic children’s programme and all will be well’ has unintentionally disempowered parents from their role as the primary nurturers of their children’s faith. (Deuteronomy 6:4-9)

Statistics from the Search Institute show that parents are by far the most influential factor in developing children’s faith. Data also reveals that only a small percentage of families who regularly attend church pray together (other than mealtime grace), read the Bible or share faith conversations at home.

So do we throw out everything we’ve been doing and start again? No! Karen is working with Willow Creek to promote the Faith@Home movement in NZ that aims to ‘help churches build faith-filled homes 24/7’.

Of course this is relevant to more than just the children’s ministry. It’s about continually shaping all our church ministries so that we are increasingly ‘home-centred and church–assisted’ instead of ‘church-centred and home-assisted’.

The ‘Faith@Home’ message is a breath of fresh air that is devoid of ‘must-do’s’ and full of ‘could do’s’.

Kids Friendly advocates ministries that encourage families learning and growing in faith together. We have developed a ‘Partnering with Parents’ page on our website. Please share your resources and successes with us so we can  learn from each other.

Cheryl Harray is the Kids Friendly Advisor for the Synod of Otago and Southland.  She and her husband Ken have raised four beautiful children all deeply committed to Christ.  Cheryl is now a proud Grandma of Sam with whom she and his parents Malcolm and Vanessa Gordon continue to share their love and experience of Jesus.

 

 

 

In or out? – children and communion

by Kaila Pettigrove, Somervell Presbyterian Church, Auckland

My first understanding of communion was that it was something that I was not allowed to do.  It was a mysterious connection with God that I was not (yet) worthy of having.  Because my father had no church connection, I attended a Catholic church with my stepmother.  Her children had been through the classes, so they followed the line of people up to the priest to receive the “Host”.  My siblings and I remained obediently in our seats and waited patiently for that part of the service to be over.  I don’t remember feeling bad, it’s just how it was.  Communion was for the insiders and I was still a church outsider. 

Thanks to God’s grace, my children have grown up in the church. Two of my three children each went through a phase as a toddler where they would approach the podium after service and “preach” from the (thankfully unplugged) microphone.  My third child attended the church kindy and playgroup, so he was in the church building six days out of seven at one stage in his life. My children are definitely “insiders” at our church. 

But is communion about creating an inner circle of privileged few?  What is communion really about?  My purpose is not to explain the theological complexities of communion, but rather help us get our heads around a child’s understanding of communion.  One of the most common questions is:  At what point should children be allowed to participate in the sacrament of communion? 

Here’s my quick answer:  When they (and the parents) are ready.  What’s ready?  Well, were the disciples ready?  Did they have a complete and full understanding of what was happening at the Last Supper?  One need not be a scholar to assume they were in the dark about a lot of things.  Did they know they loved Jesus and wanted to follow Him?  Yes.  Did they understand the complete sacredness of the act?  Probably not.  Did it stop Jesus from including them?  No.

Don’t get me wrong.  I take communion very seriously.  I want my children to understand as much as they are able.   We serve an amazing God that wants to be part of us in such an intimate way.  I delight in the Mystery of the ordinary elements (bread and juice/wine) becoming a sacred bond with our Creator and Saviour.  We are called to do all we can to prepare ourselves for communion, and yet we will always fall short.  That is the beauty of the gospel.  God meets us where we are.  We rise to meet him, but He always covers the extra distance.  This is Grace.

Isn’t that the way with children?  Does God have a role in your child’s everyday life?  Does he/she feel comfortable praying not just memorized prayers, but also talking to God?  Does your child know and understand (to the best of his/her age and ability) that Jesus died for us so that we might be a part of God’s family now and forever?  If the answer is yes, I’d say they have the same tools the disciples had on that first communion. 

If we as parents want our children to participate in communion, we have a responsibility to model and explain to them what privilege and joy come with this sacrament.  Do we prepare ourselves for communion?  Do we strive to involve God in our everyday lives?  I don’t think there is a measuring stick that will tell us if we’re “tall enough” to queue up for this ride, but I do think we need to do our best to keep our lamps lit while we’re waiting.  (See Matthew 25 and Romans 12:2. )

How do we introduce communion to our children in a way that helps them appreciate the sanctity without freaking them out or scaring them?  

First of all, it should be a conversation that is held before the communion service. Have a family discussion about it to be sure your child understands how this tradition started and what it means.  It would be helpful to read together the passage about the first communion found in Matthew 26 or Mark 14.  Tell them what will happen during the service if they haven’t been present for communion before.  Even if they have, chances are they won’t always understand what happens when and why.  Take your time and answer any questions they have.  If you don’t know how to answer them, talk to your minister, pastor, or a respected friend.  Or better yet, look it up together in the Bible. 

During communion, whether your child has already taken communion or not, don’t be afraid to talk quietly with your child about what is happening each step of the way.

·        As you are waiting for the bread to come around, encourage your child to reflect on things that might be standing between them and God.  (God, please forgive me for knocking over little brother’s block structure when I was angry.)  This doesn’t need to be dwelt on.  It’s something between your child and God.  It doesn’t need your stamp of approval.

·        When the bread is passed to you, offer it to your child and say, “ Name, this is the body of Christ, given for you.”  Child answers with , “Amen.”  Help your child do the same for the person next to him/her. 

·        Hold the bread in your hands together and pray this simple prayer (or one like it), “Thank you, Jesus for dying for me.  It must’ve been hard for you.  Help me to love you and serve you and your people. Amen.”  Then, according to your church custom, take the bread at the proper time.

·        Do the same when the cup is passed, only using the phrase “blood of Christ” instead of body.  For the prayer, “Thank you God, that even though you died, you have come to life again and you live in me.  May your Spirit guide me every day.”

·        Drink the juice/wine according to your church custom. 

·        Because Communion is done as a group activity, there is often a good deal of waiting.  What a wonderful opportunity to reflect on and feel God’s presence.  While waiting, encourage your child to talk and/or listen to God.  Maintain a connection.  The actual words are not as important as the attitude of the heart.  Just fellowship with God. 

If our children understand anything about communion, it should be that it’s about God choosing us as His precious children and wanting us to be a part of Him.  Through the Mystery of the sacrament, the bread and the cup help us to experience God with us.  Children are often better at accepting mystery than we are.  We are imperfect, but we grow more like God the more time we spend with Him.  Communion is one of the ways we do that, through God’s grace.

 

Kaila with her family at Hobbiton.  Kaila is the children and families minister at Somervell Presbyterian.

 

 

Let’s start at the very beginning

St Ninian’s share Passover-Communion with their children

By Rev Monika Redman

We recently had a baptism – not a very common event nowadays. It reminded us that we make commitments to raise our children in a loving, nurturing environment – a no-brainer, really. But we also make a commitment to raise them in the knowledge and love of God.  This reminder tied in well with a request from our Kidz Church leaders to not just incorporate the children into communion, but to actually teach them what the mysterious set of rituals is all about – so that’s what we’re beginning to do. And we thought we’d start at the very beginning as, according to the sainted Sister Maria, ‘it’s a very good place to start’!

It also picked up on what the children had been doing in Kidz Church the week before.  Using the Storybook Bible, they had got as far as the plagues of Egypt, and the scene was set for us to have our very own Passover Communion – St Ninian’s style. I should also mention that we’re developing services around the idea of ‘Family of God’ worship – trying to emphasise all our generations as being part of the family of God rather than any sense of ‘exclusively for families’ services. Like a big family gathering, these can be a bit messy, a bit noisy – but it’s about worship together rather than ‘performance’ worship, so everyone can get involved.

So what happened? Well, after considerable reassurance of those who had already offered to be involved – as well as more general reassurance to those who might want to volunteer as we went along – that this was the kind of communion service where nothing could go wrong because there was no wrong way of doing something we were making up, we got started with a candle coming forward to light the Christ candle on the table during the first hymn. This was a bit of a compromise, as we’d hoped to do something a bit like the Olympic torch, lighting one light from another all the way forwards to symbolise how the light of our memory of God’s grace had come to us from the earliest times – oh well!

A volunteer was called for, and he read the Prayer of Light, adapted from an order for Jewish Passover, and then we pieced together the story of the Escape from Egypt. We used the recent memories of the kids, as well as the older memories with which we are blessed. The children then took one of the candles (we called it the Light of Knowledge as opposed to the Christ Light, which was left on the table) and headed off for a bit of intense coaching on the different elements needed for our Passover Communion (set up and labelled in the children’s ministry room). We gave them about 10 minutes out of the sanctuary, in a room where we had laid out parsley, salt water, bitter herbs, traditional Presbyterian communion trays of wine and salvers of hors d’oeuvres (broken pieces of matzos topped with a piece of roast lamb), each with an explanatory label. Meanwhile, we continued with the prayers and the offering.

As we sang ‘Holy, Holy, Holy, my heart, my heart adores you!’, the children re-joined us, bringing with them not just the elements, but also the understanding of their symbolic purpose – which they explained to us. The rostered reader made the link for us between the events of Passover and Christ’s institution of the Last Supper and then another member volunteered to lead us in the Kiddush, or the first blessing. Everyone received a wee glass of wine and we ‘toasted’ God’s goodness to us.

After a Prayerful Reflection (ie not a sermon, but not a children’s talk either), the kids distributed the bread and lamb, and then we drank a second glass of wine in thanksgiving. So yes, we did use all our communion trays! We finished with I will sing the wondrous story – because it is! And then the Aaronic blessing because it’s another link with our earliest faith. We have so much to learn from the Jewish Scriptures of how corporate memory keeps and nurtures faith, and this was our attempt to position ourselves on the Way of our faith, to stand in our inheritance and to share that consciously with one another.

The Matai Phenomenon

The kids at “B@TCH” are developing a B@tCH vocabulary. It has been growing for a number of years.

I was recently talking to the kids about the word for that week which was compassion. We decided that passion was ‘to care a lot’ and that com came from the Latin ‘with’. We agreed that to have compassion for someone was more than caring a lot but that it required us to be with them, i.e. to stand with and care etc. 

Earlier I had “planted” Sarah Paterson on the stage . Sarah was sitting quietly all alone with a sad face (she did it well). I pretended to suddenly notice her and asked the children how they thought she was feeling. They responded appropriately. I then reminded them if we were to help cheer her up and be compassionate toward her then we needed to ????? Yes that’s right, be ‘with’ her. So I asked for folks to come with me on to the stage to stand with Sarah. No one came. So I went alone. Then out the corner of my eye I spotted wee Matai. He ran towards Sarah (whom he didn’t know) and threw his arms around her. She couldn’t help but smile. He climbed up on her knee. I couldn’t have set it up or staged it better. There was nothing I could say. He naturally displayed compassion for a sad Sarah. 

So what? Later that day while I was still on cloud 9, excited about what I was now calling the Matai phenomenon, a dear friend brought me back to earth with a thud. She said “in an ideal world we would do just as Matai modelled. But our un-childlike, ‘developed’ and somewhat sceptical selves, knowing we should rush to ‘stand beside’, get reminded of the cost.” 

Thoughts emerge like:

• If I stand beside them, will it be a life sentence?

• I don’t really know this person, what would they think?

• Who am I to think I could make a difference, someone else will sort it?

• They are not my type. 

• I’m too busy. 

We can learn so much from kids. That’s why they should be in the church service with us as much as possible. Jesus knew that and He preached it. 

This left me wondering though, are there any “Matai adults” in our parish - folks not hung up on the bullet points above? As I pondered with my friend we began to think of many. They are a real blessing to us all. So whether or not you are one of them or indeed you are a bit like me and hung up on the list above, may we all seek to embrace the Matai phenomenon and learn to care a lot by standing ‘with’ those whom God places in our paths. 

Barry Kelk
B@TCH stands for Breakfast at the Coronation Hall. B@TCH was started as a “Fresh Expression” of church 8 years ago by Barry Kelk of Highgate Presbyterian. B@TCH is an intergenerational, contemporary, weekly worship service.






 

A time to dream

I’m having lots of conversations about new ways to “be the church” in secular New Zealand today.  More and more churches are acknowledging that what and how we do Sunday worship does not work for many Kiwis.  And it’s encouraging that many are willing to try new things and find fresh ways to share Christ’s love and good news with their community. 

Waimana Presbyterian invited me to share the concept of Messy Church with their leaders earlier this year and within 6 weeks of our meeting had launched the world’s first Messy Church on a marae.  I sent their story to Lucy Church of Messy Church UK for posting on their facebook page.  She was intrigued by Waimana’s adaptation of the name:   Te hahi a whakawhanaungatanga hakinakina which means 'the church of coming together as a family to do activities'.“I’m not sure the name will catch on internationally” said Lucy, “but I love it!” 

Mike Uttley of Welcome Bay heard about Messy Church and phoned to find out more and borrow the DVD’s and books from the Kids Friendly library.  Within a month he had launched Messy Church in his community and attracted over a 100 people.  “It works for our community” he said, “as they love anything that involves food and a bit of all age action!”

This week I met with Mo Morgan and Kath Barrett who are trying new things in Whanganui with the support and encouragement of St James Presbyterian.  “The church has given us freedom to try new things” said Mo.  These enthusiastic and gifted women are offering a range of meaningful events to connect with children and their families.   Sticky Fingers is an arts and crafts event for children and their parents that promotes recycling and caring for creation.  Once a month they run “Q” an opportunity for adults to hear an inspiring speaker and ask questions over coffee and dessert.  And on the second Sunday of the month they have begun to run an all age family worship with the people of St James and Rev Gene Lawrence to build Christian community.

Trying new things take courage, but as Mo said: “We felt called to start something for people like us, young parents who are open to Christianity but struggling to find something that fits.  We don’t know where it will lead to, but we are open and listening to our community so we can mould something new together.”

“Without vision, the people perish” said Solomon.  “Prophetic imagination must come before implementation” says Walter Bruggeman.  If you’d like to try new things with the children and families of your community, we’d love to join you in dreaming new ways of being church and resourcing you on your journey.

Jesus with skin on by Cheryl Harray

“It’s Jesus!’ exclaimed the wide eyed young girl as she opened the door to her minister. It was in fact Rose Luxford (Oamaru) visiting to deliver the call to worship for one of the children in the family to read the following Sunday. 

 Rose recounted this story over dinner at a recent Presbytery resource meeting and the conversation around the table continued animatedly. There were many other delightful and amusing stories that people had experienced - when children saw the minister (male or female) as God or Jesus. 

Later the conversation came back to mind and I pondered a bit more about WHY children might say this. What do they see and hear and experience that equates that person at the front with Jesus/God? The words they speak and pray? The actions and warm welcome they extend? (Kids Friendly certainly hopes so!) The clothes they wear? 

Is it just something to be amused or embarrassed about and quickly correct. Or do we CELEBRATE that a child in their simple faith sees their leader as Jesus? And as Christians – with Christ IN us- is there a challenge ‘from the mouths of babes’ for ALL of us to become more like Jesus – ‘Jesus with skin on’ to our friends, family, neighbours and of course the children we are in contact with.

What do you think?

Cheryl Harray is the Kids Friendly Advisor to the Synod of Otago & Southland region.

Seeing God by Nikki Watkin

On Ascension day a couple of weeks ago, our 4 year old son Reuben was creating art – a fairly common event in our household. He proudly showed it to me and I asked him about it.

There were a whole lot of houses in a cross shape in the centre –“that is the city” he said. (I still need to ponder that image.) Above the city was a big yellow smiley face –“that is God,” he told me. On both sides of the city were some people –“Who are they?” I asked. “Those people are frightened” he told me. So of course I asked why they were frightened, and he explained “because they can’t see God”. For him, that was reason enough to be scared. And it got me thinking.

Thinking about the angels who challenged the disciples who had been left standing there on the Mount of Olives after Jesus had ascended to the right hand of God. Check out the first chapter in Acts. The angels ask “Why do you stand here looking into the sky?”

Maybe the disciples were still standing there so they would not be frightened. They could no longer see Jesus. Which begs the question, when do we see Jesus? When do we see God? And another thought: When do children see Jesus? Do they see Jesus in our welcome? In our loving? In our blessing?

What a gift we give to those around us – whatever their age - when they encounter Jesus in us. If Reuben has got it right and in seeing God, fear is taken away, then it’s definitely worth thinking about.



Rev Nikki Watkin is part of our Kids Friendly team in Auckland. She is also a minister with her husband Richard at Kohimarama Presbyterian.

Worship: A way of life by Lucy Davey

We are called to a life of worship.  We don’t need to worship God in a particular place or at a particular time. Worship is something that can happen every day in lots of ways, if we let it.

I was recently moved by a story of Gaby and Isaac, four year olds whose worship in a sick-room brought comfort and peace.

Ingrid de Villiers, a teacher at St Heliers Presbyterian’s preschool Small Miracles shared this story:

“Gaby and Isaac attended Small Miracles since they were very young. Music plays a big part in our preschool and much of our Christian teaching is shared through music. Once a year we have a special Small Miracles celebration church service and this is often the only time many families attend church. This has been the case with Gaby and Isaac’s family. However, recently their granddad passed away and their dad told us this beautiful story about when their granddad was ill.

The children were taken to Wellington to visit their granddad in hospital where he was drifting in and out of consciousness. They sat on either side of the bed each holding their granddad’s hands. Dad noticed them whispering to each other and then they started to sing some of the songs that they had learnt at Small Miracles. They sang “Jesus is the Light” and “Walk in the Light” (really loudly according to their father).

Later, when their granddad was having a lucid moment he told their dad how much their singing had meant to him and how special and uplifting it was. Apparently Granddad was a religious man and I think it meant so much to him.

Gaby and Isaac have both left us to go to school but we sense that the Christian values and experience they have received at Small Miracles will be with them forever. Their parents have acknowledged this too.”

As we start thinking of our whole lives as worship to God, it transforms the way we view life and the things we do.  Whatever our age, wherever we are, whatever we do, we can bring glory to God.

At four, Gaby and Isaac seemed to intuitively understand this. Let’s keep learning from the children in our midst.

He called a little child, whom he placed among them. And he said: "Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.   Matthew 18:2-3

Lucy Davey

(Lucy was a valued member of our Kids Friendly team from 2011 to 2012 until she moved South!  But she is still a wonderful advocate and encourager to Kids Friendly and a real attribute to her church Upper Clutha Presbyterian in Wanaka.  Lucy is also an accomplished children's author http://www.lucydavey.com/).

The robe of fatigue by Silvia Purdie

I went to a seminar this week on Clergy Self-Care. The presenter had researched clergy around the country and asked about their attitudes and practices around ‘self-care’. Obviously he found a mix of those who appeared to make their own personal lives a priority and those who were chronically tired, overworked and friendless. He quoted a writer on the topic saying that “many clergy never take off the ‘robe of fatigue’ ”.

I have a relationship with fatigue. But I certainly don’t want to wear it all the time. I know others in ministry who do. Some seem to wear it as a ‘badge of honour’, a sign of dedication to Christ and His church – like a ‘dog collar’ for non-Anglicans!

It’s pretty obvious why we get tired: long work hours, complex expectations, interruptions, blurring of home/work and relationship roles. Too often we end up caring for everyone around us and struggle to take days off or time ‘in lieu’.

My friend Mary-Jane Konings and I touch base often. When she told me about taking a funeral on Monday (her day off), I texted her to ask if she was taking another day off during the week. Her reply: “Ha ha ha ha ha ha!”. She is a wonderful Kids Friendly minister, but the demands of ministry in a large complex district mean that the fun, creative, missional stuff she loves to do, gets squeezed into tired corners.

When I talk with those who minister to and with children they often express being “tired”. Working with children can be wonderfully energizing, but it’s also physically demanding, and at times stressful and emotionally draining.

How about you? What do you find 'takes it out of you' the most?

I get tired when I spend the day rushing, trying to pack too much in, driving a little too fast to get to a meeting or a home visit, or to pick the kids up.

But fatigue is different from that. Fatigue is an accumulation of tiredness so that it builds up, hardens in the mind and soul and body, weighs us down. A ‘robe of fatigue’. A heavy yoke.

I’ve noticed for myself that what adds to my fatigue is the jarring I get when I shift modes of working. I love the deep listening pastoral work, the privilege of praying with people, leading worship, creating sacred space and stillness. Then 'wham' the phone rings or I have somewhere else to be 5 minutes ago and there are reports to write and money issues to sort and and ... . The diversity of ministry can be both a blessing and a curse.

If we don't watch out we can end up feeling bruised, stretched and out of shape by the end of the week. And tired, really tired.

I guess that’s why Paul wrote about the armour of God. Who wants a grey robe of fatigue when you could wear a shining shield, helmet, belt … or if you don’t want to mentally look like a Roman soldier, what picture works for you? A soft knitted shawl? An oilskin jacket? An elfish cloak?

Hey, I hadn’t noticed that before – the point of the spiritual armour is that “after you have done everything, to stand” (Ephesians 6:13) That’s the worst thing about ministry, especially children's ministry, you never feel that you have done everything, there’s always so much more to do. Imagine that. Still standing, still strong, still energised, confident, protected, sharp!

I like working hard. I like resting too, walking by the river, curling up in bed early. I like the Psalms, and night prayer, relinquishing my work and worries into the everlasting arms, hiding under the soft wings, being touched again by peace at the end of the day. Praise God I can take off the robe of fatigue – who needs it??

Three keys to sustainable ministry:
As you get to the end of the term how tired are you? What might you do differently next term so that you sustain your energy and care for yourself better?

Key 1: Work from your strengths and joys. Do more of what you do best, and give away as much as you can of the stuff that you dislike and find stressful.

Key 2: REST. We aren't so good at the 4th Commandment: "6 days you shall work but the 7th you shall rest". Take time, make time, carve out time ... to relax, breathe, be lazy, potter, chat, snooze, read, walk, pray.

Key 3: Support. Ask for help. Meet for coffee. Talk about your struggles. Make sure other people are praying for you. Laugh about it together!


This blog was written by Rev Silvia Purdie, minister of Milsom Combined Church in the Wanganui Manawatu Presbytery. Silvia is an avid Kids Friendly supporter, encourager and practitioner.

EASTER according to a five-year-old

After attending our church’s ‘A Walk through Holy Week’ family event including 7 interactive stations of the cross, a children’s booklet with things for them to look for and do at each station and supper, Sinead, our then five year old drew her response. Her Dad (Jason Goroncy) asked her to tell him about her drawings.... 

‘Anyway’, she said, ‘it’s all about Jesus’.

‘But what about the empty tomb?’ asked her theologian father.

‘We don’t worship the tomb, daddy’, she said. ‘Jesus is the bit that matters’.

‘So why is there a cross?’

‘Because people always seem to forget about that bit, and because that’s how Jesus remembers himself to us’.

‘But what about the yellow bit?’

‘Ah. That bit is just to make it pretty, silly’.

Welcome to our table

I’ve been having a few conversations about children being invited to the communion table.  Most have been positive, in my view, as churches are taking seriously the call to “let the children come” and inviting children to participate in our holy sacrament. 

I heard of one church where the session decided not to proceed with their Kids Friendly self-review because they don’t believe children should be invited to receive communion.  Their minister contacted me to clarify if “children receiving communion” is a requirement for Kids Friendly churches.  

It’s NOT a requirement.  However when churches tell me children are not invited to participate in communion, I ask them to encourage their leaders to read others’ views on the topic (Kids Friendly has some very good articles on the subject if you’re interested), discuss what they read together and prayerfully consider their decision. 

Most Kids Friendly churches decide to invite children to the table and carefully plan how they will educate children about this sacrament and how their communion liturgy engages children.  One minister shared:  “Last Sunday I decided to ask children to help me prepare the table and assist elders in serving communion.  This was a first for our church and it was the most powerful communion service I’ve ever experienced.”

My research has revealed no theological reason for excluding children and the too often cited “they don’t understand” excuse is, I believe, unfounded.  My understanding is that communion is a meal of grace for which no one needs to qualify.  Fortunately in our denomination previously churches that included children in communion had to explain their reason for doing so, now it is the reverse. 

We Were All Children Once by Cate Burton

Cate is a ministry intern at 

St Peter’s Presbyterian in Tauranga (NZ). 

She is also an avid Kids Friendly 

practitioner and advocate.

We were children once, we all were
Eyes wide, wild with excitement
Grinning and giggling with infectious delight
Faces bright, alight with adventure
Feet quick for exploration
Open hearts to love, hearts open to be loved
We were all children, we still are

Author and play write J. M. Barrie, created the character Peter Pan; a boy who never grew up, a boy who’s friends were fairies and other lost boys who lived together like brothers, a boy who desperately needed his mother but was too afraid to admit it.

We’re not as defiant as Peter Pan, I don’t think. He didn’t want to grow up. We don’t mind it so much. But what would it mean for us to take a leaf out of Peter Pan’s book (or a feather out of his hat), and not be too quick to relinquish our youth or lose our identity as children – even when our childhood years have long since passed?

 It’s not about being childish, it’s about being childlike.

In Christian circles we’ve been guilty of advocating that our children should be seen and not heard. I think we’ve got this wrong. We’ve mistakenly seen our children as the church of tomorrow. We’ve said these things with our words and we’ve said them with our actions.

Our society at large is often guilty of seeing the elderly as no longer contributing and being “put out to pasture”. We haven’t always said it with our words but we’ve said it with our actions and we’ve said it in the things that we haven’t said. Sadly, this has happened in parts of the Church too. I think we’ve got this one wrong as well.

Our generation of children is not the church of tomorrow; they are the church of today. In the same way, our older generations are not the church of yesterday; they are the church of today too. Right from our infants to our elderly, and everyone in between, we are all the church of today. The church is the family of God, and we are all children of God – nothing changes that; not age, not ability, not anything.

So, unlike Peter Pan, let us be boys and girls who do grow up, but just like children, let us all enjoy and delight in life. This is the life God has shared with us through his Son by the Spirit. This is the life that grows in us as we grow in Christ. This is the life.

We were all children once. We still are.

Enjoy.

Cate Burton
A child of God

Digging by Silvia Purdie

            

The small spade slices through the sand
The small boy intent with effort
body straining
shoveling the sand out
and carefully dumping it on the growing pile.
The hole gets so big he almost falls in
toes gripping the edge to balance
heels lifting.
“Wuw” he congratulates himself
breathing hard
muttering under his breath.
“My hole is big!” he declares,
“I’m making a sandcastle.
A really big one.”
patting it down
scooping more.
Hole and pile,
work and pleasure
inseparable.

This summer our family was blessed to have a week camping in the sun on 90 Mile Beach. It was an astonishing experience, utterly different from normal life, up there where the oceans meet and tide and fish and heat and light become the rhythms of living.

We are home now, embarking on 2013, looking forward to all that a new year brings. My work is in parish ministry. Milson Combined Church is a smallish suburban church in Palmerston North, with a real heart for children and families. I also do what I can to support and promote Kids Friendly and youth ministry around the district. My husband is an Army Chaplain and we have 3 boys.

There’s always plenty to do. If we have the energy. And that’s a big part of what the Kids Friendly team does here in the Manawatu and all over, encouraging people to sustain their passion and commitment to children and families ministry. And a big part of that is keeping the work and pleasure inseparable.

As I watched little Arli digging on the beach, I loved the boundless energy as he worked. I reflected on how it’s like that with us and our ministries. We can work and work when we feel safe, when there’s other people cheering us on, when we’ve had a drink and a biccie, when we have the right tools and we can see that we’re getting somewhere!

I wonder which of those is missing for you as you begin all over again, another year of children’s ministry.

I wonder what your heart would say if you stopped to listen, what you need for yourself to sustain you this year.

Duty isn’t enough. Ideas aren’t enough.

I’m someone who’s full of ideas. I can always see the “Wouldn’t it be great if …!”

For us in Milson, it would be great if we had a relationship with our local school. It would be great if our preschool music families came to church. It would be great to get to know our neighbours. And we made good progress on these goals last year, and I have big hopes for this year. But each of these is way easier said than done, despite our best efforts. The knock-backs and rejections you get when you try to reach out and invite in, can be hard on the soul, draining on the energy.

In our own strength we really wouldn’t bother at all.

But it’s not just us, is it? It’s the Spirit of Jesus at work within us, that’s what works! And Jesus is like little Arli, digging away, never running out of sand, digging deep, building up, patting down, pouring out blessings inexhaustibly, inviting us again and again into his cycle of generosity. “Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap.” (Luke 6:38)

May the Spirit of Jesus Christ be real to you again in this moment, and through the many moments this year, as you plan, as you prepare, as you work, when energy comes easy and when you are tired, as you meet with children and adults, as you leap and dance or sit and listen, as you tidy up afterwards, as you rest. God bless you with pleasure in your calling. Amen.

This blog was written by Rev Silvia Purdie, minister of Milsom Combined Church in the Wanganui Manawatu Presbytery.  Silvia is an avid Kids Friendly supporter, encourager and practitioner.